Can You Pass The Marmalade?
by Arabella Black1
Summary: This is a song fic to the tune of Lady Marmalade. (Duh) It contains whacking, danishes, French sisters, and some slash, and most of the really funy bits are in the parts when their not singing. This was to get over my writer's block. Have mercy.


To the tune of Lady Marmalade, by… oh, hell, you know all the people who sing it

To the tune of Lady Marmalade, by… oh, hell, you know all the people who sing it! lyrics by Arabella Black, sung by Fleur Delacour and Hermione Granger

Hermione: Where all my soul sistahs,

Lemme hear y'all flow, sistahs,

Fleur: Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, flow… Wait juz' one second. Dis girl is _not_ my zister!

(From somewhere out of the recording studio) That's just figurative! Keep singing!

Fleur: You could _at least_ 'ave my _real_ zister sing wit' me!

(Again, somewhere out of the recording studio) But then the parody wouldn't make any sense! You're singing about Ron!

Fleur: Does _any-sing_ you crazy people write make sense?

(Once more, somewhere from out the recording studio) _Fine!_ Gabrielle! GABRIELLE! Okay, let's try this again.

To the tune of Lady Marmalade, lyrics by Arabella Black, sung by Fleur Delacour and Hermione Granger and Gabrielle Delacour. Happy?

Hermione: Where all my soul sistahs,

Lemme hear y'all flow, sistahs!

Fleur: Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, flow sistah, soul sistah!

Gabrielle: Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah!

Hermione: Lady-

Pansy Parkinson: Um… can I be in this, too?

(You know where the freakin' voice is coming from, don't pretend like you don't) Grrrr… Why do _you want to be in this?_

Pansy: Only because it's my favorite-est song in the whole wide world! 

Aargh! Okay, okay, you can be in this. You'll be L'il Kim.

Hermione: _I'm L'il Kim!_

Well, now you're Pink. Not much difference, except less leather.

Hermione: I _like leather! Me and Ron have matching leather bik- oh, umm… never mind._

Okay… from the top-

Harry: I wasn't told we needed tops to be in this!

AAAARRRGGHH! Harry! Why the hell are you here? And… Oh, dear God, get your shirt back on! 

Harry: Because I want to sing with you guys! I am also here because I'd like to tell the world that I am in love Ronald Weasley. And he loves me! Anybody got a problem with that?!

Ooooh-kay. Yeah. Uh, no, no one has a problem with that, Harry. 

Hermione: I do! Ron loves _me, stupid head. And I wanted to be L'il Kim!!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!! _

See, Harry, I'd love to let you sing with us about your love to Ron. But the thing is, we have four people, and they're not exactly Julie Andrews themselves, and your voice is horrible, and the adding of it would just make for more of a cacophony than this already is.

Harry: (crosses arms and looks up haughtily) Well, I don't care. Make a space for me.

But-

Harry: Upp-bup-bup. 

But we can't just-

Harry: Talk to the hand.

Fine! Fine, fine, fine, fine, FINE! Urgh… (rolls eyes) Leos. Okay, here is the marquee, and if I have to change it one more time, I'm going to whack somebody. Got it? Good.

To the tune of Lady Marmalade, lyrics by Arabella Black, sung by Hermione Granger _and Fleur Delacour __and Gabrielle Delacour __and Pansy Parkinson __and Harry Potter._

Pansy: (sticks her tongue out to Hermione before singing)

Hey, now…

Pansy: Where all my soul sistahs?

Hermione: (growls)

Pansy: Lemme hear y'all flow sistahs!

Fleur and Gabrielle: Hey, sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, flow sistah, hey sistah, go sistah, flow sistah!

Fleur: He met all of us through Harry's point of view,

Most people think for Herm he's sweet,

But he said, "A Firebolt, oh, whoa!

Can I give it a go?" oh-oh-oh

Fleur: Giuchie, giuchie, ah, yah, da da

Hermione: That doesn't make any sense.

Fleur: Giuchie, giuchie, ah, yah, here

Mocha Chocolate-a, yah, yah,

Hermione: What, is that how you like your coffee?

Shut up! I'll whack you!

Fleur: Can you pass the marmala-ah-de!

Hermione, Pansy, Fleur, Gabrielle, and Harry: Voulez vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron!

Harry: Oh, yeah, Ron, would you?

I'll whack you, I swear to God, French-y!

Hermione, Pansy, Fleur, Gabrielle, and Harry: Voulez vous coucher avec moi!

Hermione: He was in a snow fight while I freshened up,

Used up all that hair potion of mine!

But my bushy hair was sleek, he started fancying me, ye-

Harry: Yeah, and then you had a row and he went to find solace in me!

Hermione: Shut _up, Scarface!_

I-WILL-WHACK-YOU!!!

Fleur: Giuchie, Giuchie, a-yah, da da

Giuchie, giuchie, a-yah here!

Mocha Chocolate-a yah, yah

Hermione: Can you pass the mar-ma-laaaa-de!

Hermione, Pansy, Fleur, Gabrielle, and Harry: Voulez vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron?

Voulez vous coucher-

Sirius Black: (doesn't get to say anything as he is interrupted by Harry)

Harry: Argh! (points at Sirius) Sirius Black!

Sirius Black: (rolls eyes) Hey, Arabella, I just wanted to-

(WHACK)

Remus Lupin: Omygod! You killed Kenny!

I _whacked Kenny!_

Remus Lupin: No, you whacked Sirius. You _killed Kenny! Twelve years ago! You think I've forgotten?! You should have known that if Kenny didn't kill you, I would. Good bye._

I'm dazed and confused and whack-ful.

Remus: (tearful) Sirius… he just… HE JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU IF YOU HAD A DANISH HE COULD EAT!!!

Who is he, Jasper Johns? Stealing my Danishes. I don't have to give him scraps of food if I don't want to! 

Remus: Humph! (Turns on his heal)

Harry: (looking down at the whacked Sirius) Stupid outlaw. Killed my parents… ate my Danish…

Pansy: IT'S TIME FOR MY SOLO!!! LOOKATMELOOKATME _LOOK-AT-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!_

Pansy: He can't come through with the money, his pop's poor as rags,

House-elves let him have that cake, straight at the gate,

His skin's iridescent and when he sleeps he snores,

He can't go summer spending when he has to do chores

Fleur: Has to do chores

Pansy: Disagree? How could you, you git? Oh, I'm sorry.

But in Harry Potter you must not be very far-y!

His velvet dress robes are as second-hand as his clothes

For all his muscle work in detention, it shows

Gabrielle: Hey, sistah, go sistah, he ain't got no dough, sistah!

Pansy: He's better then Malfoy, that pain in the-

Hey!

Pansy: Ron's the very meaning of the perfect date,

Gabrielle: Well, I suppose, if you wanna giuchie, giuchie ah-yah

Mocha Chocolate-ah

Harry: And I do.

Pansy: Can you pass the marma-lade?

Hermione: One more time, my toast ain't sweet enough!

Get that bread out of your mouth, Herm!

Harry, Pansy, Fleur, Gabrielle, and Hermione: Pass the marmalade! Pass the marmalade!

Harry: Hey! Hey! Haaaaaaaaaaa-ay-ay-ay!

Harry: Touch of my cloak, feelin' silky smooth!

Pansy: That has nothing to do with Ron Weas-lay,

Harry: Helped me make the three-headed beast decide

To stop roaring until we were inside,

The third…floor…corridor!

Hermione: Now, at his home, the gnomes will survive,

And he's sleepin' the gray Burrow life, all right

But when you, go off to sleep,

You know for who he's sweet, yeah,

Harry: Third…floor…corridor!!!!

(Arabella puts head in hands and shakes at the stupidity of it all.)

Pansy, Harry, Hermione, Fleur, and Gabrielle: Giuchie, giuchie a ya, da da! (da-de-ah-ah-ah)

Giuchie, giuchie a yah here (HERE!)

Mocha Chocolate-a yah, yah, (yeah-a-a)

Can you pass the marmalade!!!

Voulez vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron!

Voulez vous coucher avec moi! (Harry: All my sistahs, yeah!)

Voulez vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron!

Voulez vous coucher avec moi, (Pansy: C'mon, uh!)

……………

Hermione: Arabella! That's your cue!

(looks up from her hands) Wha'…? Oh, oh, right. 

(half-assed and not singing) Christina…

Harry: She means Harry! O-waaaaeeeee-ah-ah-uh!

(still half-assed and not singing) Pink…

Hermione: Hermione! Pass the, mar-ma-lade!

(half-assed and not singing again) L'il Kim…

Pansy: Grrr…

(once more, half-assed and not singing) Mya…

Gabrielle and Fleur: Sacre blu!

Moulin Rouge!

(Now it is everybody else's turn to put their head in their hands)

All: Can you pass the marmalade?! Yessssss-ah!

A/N: OMG. That is possibly the worst parody I ever wrote. Unless you count the Country Grammar

one with Lee Jordan… (shudder) I'd flame it, too. Just review it, please?!?! 


End file.
